Wednesday, November 18, 2009

French Onion Soup, The best way to practice sauteing and deglazing...and seduction

As the winter begins to draw in, the Cooker can think of nothing else but seduction.  Oh the lucky one (if the bear is hungry he will eat), who is targeted for this seduction.  For this person will get to enjoy the sensual delight that is French Onion Soup.

The best way to enjoy this post is to open this link in a separate window to set the mood, put on your finest silk lounging robes, pour yourself a little something from the cellar and then scroll down...slowly.  You are about to read how to make French Onion Soup, the most sensual of all soups.  Deep flavor, crunchy bread, gooey gruyere.  Aaaahh maaannnn.

Like a good lover, it takes patience, heat, oil, and...onions...and salt.  Think of this recipe when you need to do some impressin' to help with the undressin'.  Now you could spend all day in front of your designer, commercial style stove, but you have got rose petals to scatter and votive candles to light.  So the trick is to use your oven and a dutch oven to take care of the first couple hours or so, to help that deep flavor develop.  The most important thing to remember is that the more times you are able to deglaze the pan, the deeper and rounder the flavor will get.  Aaaaahhh maaaan.  To do a proper job of it you will need to deglaze the pan more than ten times at least.

So strap on your egyptian cotton apron, slip on you whale penis leather clogs, press play on your Prince playlist and head into the kitchen to make delicious.

Have a look at these teases

OH! So sorry to catch you undressing.

Ready for the Steamy Sauna

Oh, a salt rub, kinky

Sneaking a peak during the oven time

No tan lines, provocative

Getting closer to the climax

Ah there is the fond, now is the time to add some liquid

Sensual bath has started

General Notes:

Serves: 4 -6 depending on the serving size
Prep Time:  1 - 4 hours depending on how deep you want the flavor, not all is hands-on time
General:  Deglaze as many times as you have time for, and remember to always keep it sexy.  Some of these ingredients may seem exotic so just have your personal assistant procure them for you.

  • Oven Safe Pot with lid or dutch oven large enough to hold a whole bunch of onions, only use your hammered copper pot if you will be presenting the soup at the table.
  • 1 inch thick, end grain cutting board, thoroughly rubbed with bamboo oil
  • Handmade French Chef's knife, preferrably from Solingen with Ivory Handle
  • Broiler safe bowl or crock for presentation of the soup,  gilded skull if you have it
  • Cheese grater
  • Stove/oven combo with broiler
  • 2 Farm Fresh Vidalia Onions flown in from Texas (preferably by Zepplin), sliced
  • 2 Farm Fresh Red Onions driven in from Chile (preferably by Bentley), sliced
  • 2 Farm Fresh White Onions sailed in from Southern California (preferably by Yacht), sliced
  • 64 ounces of extra fine broth, this recipe used Vegetable but Beef is traditional
  • 6 cloves of Farm Fresh garlic rickshawed in from Gilroy, California, minced
  • Extra Virgin Olive Oil from the oldest tree in the Piedmont region of Italy (preferably also read the story Are you my mother nightly) as needed
  • Flaked Sea Salt from the smallest tide pool of the Omaha Beach
  • A crusty baguette flown in from Le Baguette in Paris, better use the Concorde to get it fast enough
  • Gruyere cheese, cave aged only please, shredded
Written Instructions:
  • Dim the lights in your thoughtfully appointed, commercial style kitchen
  • Carefully, but firmly arrange your equipment, ingredients and preheat the oven to 350 degrees
  • Take a sip from your champagne while admiring your reflection in your stainless steel appliances, go ahead toast yourself, you deserve it
  • Next take the top and bottom off of each onion and then halve them
  • Now remove the outer layer of each onion and lay them out
  • Slice the onions against the grain from top to bottom in medium thick slices
  • Put the slices into your dutch oven/ pot
  • Salt and Olive Oil the Onions, cover them and put them into the oven
  • Pour yourself a touch more bubbles and head in to either finish your nude (oil painting) or nude
  • Stir the onions a bit and place back in for another hour if you have the time or begin sauteing if your desire cannot wait any longer
  • When you are ready remove the dutch oven/pot from the oven and place over medium heat on the stove
  • Begin sauteing the onions while constantly stirring
  • When the pan has dried up a touch and a layer of brown fond has developed, deglaze the pan with your broth while stirring with fervor
  • Saute until the pan is dry again and you have developed another layer of fond and deglaze once more
  • Continue fonding and deglazing until you have gone through 32 ounces of broth or you have reached your deglazing limit
  • Add the rest of your broth and bring the whole mixture up to a simmer and simmer until you are ready to serve
  • Turn on the broiler of your oven
  • Slice 2 slices from the baguette, top with shredded Gruyere
  • Ladle the soup into a broiler safe crock or bowl
  • Place cheesy bread over the top of some soup and broil until the cheese is browned and bubbly
  • Carefully make it happen in your tum tum, AAAAAHHH MMAAAANNNN!!